Life

New York Mom with Cancer Sees Son Wed in Emotional Hospital Wedding: ‘It Brought Us All Together’

Mollie Cahillane Articles, Life, Uncategorized 0 Comment

Catherine Holm of Long Island, New York, had been looking forward to attending her 24-year-old son’s destination wedding in Puerto Rico for months.

But on March 26, the 58-year-old grandmother received shocking news – she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia, and doctors informed her she could not travel for her son’s wedding.

But her devoted son wasn’t going to let anything stand in the way of his mother seeing him say his “I dos.”

“I was just so sick and I didn’t know what was happening to me. The oncologist came in and said, “Mrs. Holm, I think you have leukemia,’ ” Catherine tells PEOPLE of her diagnosis. “I was in shock. They moved me to Stony Brook University Hospital the day after Easter.”

When doctors told Catherine – who is currently awaiting a bone marrow transplant – that flying could compromise her immune system, the caring staff at the hospital joined forces with her son, Mark Holm Jr. and his fianc e, Joanna, to plan the perfect wedding.

Mark Holm Jr. and his wife Joanna
ANDREW HENRIQUES

“My daughter-in-law wanted to see if they could hold something there in the chapel, so I could be part of something,” Catherine says. “When everybody here heard about it, they were just willing to do whatever to make something happen here for us. It was so wonderful, it was so thoughtful of them. Nobody has ever done anything like that for us. It was very touching for me and my family.”

Stony Brook even provided a pastry chef for the wedding, Mark tells PEOPLE. And a fellow leukemia patient took care of all the decorations, while hospital staff set up another room for the reception.

“The hospital did everything,” Joanna tells PEOPLE. “They didn’t ask any questions. They took care of everything.”

Close family members gathered together at the hospital on April 18 for the emotional wedding ceremony.

Catherine Holm
ANDREW HENRIQUES

“It just brought us all together,” Catherine adds. “That’s all that mattered to me – that we were all together.”

The hospital wedding also gave Catherine the chance to wear the gorgeous dress she bought for the wedding.

“I was so excited – I was going to be able to see them have a ceremony and to wear my gown that I had picked out when I first started getting sick,” Catherine says. “I was happy that I was able to wear it and it wasn’t going to sit in a closet. It just reminded me of the beach – a beachy feel since we were going to be in Puerto Rico.”

Catherine says her favorite moment during the wedding was seeing her son “marry the love of his life” – and getting the chance to dance with him at the reception.

“It was very important to me. It was this country song and it just kept playing on and on,” Catherine says. “And all I did was cry.”

The couple, who have been together for six years, left for Puerto Rico a few days after their hospital wedding to wed for the second time in Puerto Rico on April 23.

“I told everybody, ‘We’re a family, you have to go down there and support them no matter what’s going on here,’ ” Catherine tells PEOPLE of encouraging the rest of her family to attend the wedding in Puerto Rico. “You have to make sure you go down there and be there with your brother and make sure everything goes a-okay.’ ”

Catherine Holm
ANDREW HENRIQUES

Catherine remains at Stony Brook, where she has just started her second round of chemotherapy. She plans to have a bone marrow transplant when she is in remission.

“I love my family,” Catherine shares. “That’s what keeps me going. It doesn’t even look like a hospital room – I just have all these pictures of my family and my friends. I have a wonderful support system.”

Originally published on People.com

Growing Up Gay: Being Queer and Feminine

Mollie Cahillane Articles, Blog, Life , , 0 Comment

Growing up, I lived a sheltered life.  I’m the oldest of four children and I have parents who would do anything to protect me.  I’m very lucky.

Even though I hate to admit it, this shielding had its drawbacks.  When I was eight, I told my mom I learned what the f-word meant.  Too embarrassed to say it out loud, I leaned and whispered ‘fart’ in her ear.

So imagine me in sixth grade.  I hear the word ‘gay’ for the first time.  What does this mean?  Boys can like boys?  Girls can like girls?  What?!

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Flashback to third grade.  All every girl can talk about is their crush on the cute boys in our class.  Here’s the problem.  I don’t have a crush.  What’s wrong with me?  I go home one day and tell my mom about this boy.  I like him so much mom!  I draw his name in hearts!  She asks me if he’s cute. ‘Ew! Gross!’ was my instant response.

I had a boyfriend once, back in seventh grade.  He broke up with me because I didn’t want to kiss him.  I was so confused and wondered,  ‘What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t I find anyone attractive?  Why doesn’t anyone find me attractive?’

Looking back now, it’s almost hard not to laugh.  Poor Mollie.  I was confused and scared and felt so alone.  It was hard realizing I’m gay.  I lived in Georgia and went to a conservative Christian school where I felt like being gay wasn’t an option.  I turn 21 next week and I’ve been out and (mostly) proud for three years now.  I’m in a happy, committed relationship with a beautiful girl.

But, it wasn’t so easy to get here.  First I had to realize I’m gay.  Then I had to process it.  Then I had to accept it.  And next, I learned to embrace it.  It didn’t make sense to me for a long time.  In my mind, lesbians had short hair, no makeup, wore combat boots, and stuck out in a crowd.  I had long curly hair, wore dresses almost every day and brown eyeliner was my best friend.  I didn’t fit what I thought gay should look like as a woman.

I DIDN’T FIT WHAT I THOUGHT GAY SHOULD LOOK LIKE AS A WOMAN.

Why did I feel that I was only a real lesbian if I presented as androgynous or masculine?  Of course, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to present oneself in this way.  The feminist movement is about a woman’s right for equality regardless of how she looks.  And while androgynous or masculine presentation is the right self-expression for many queer women, I thought it was the only option.  So at 19, I underwent an identity crisis.  I bought combat boots (which I love and adore and wear probably every day).  It was only due to my mom’s intervention that I didn’t get a pixie cut.  (Thanks, mom! You were right, I can’t pull that off…) Now, at 21, I’ve learned to say ‘screw you’ to the gender binary and I fully believe that gender is a construct – but that’s a whole different article.

So while my style may have evolved (still wearing Dr. Martens and excessive flannel), my identity hasn’t.  Sometimes it’s tough not being easily identifiable to other lesbians, because honestly I really would love some more queer friends.  But at the same time, I’m confident and happy with who I am, the choices I’ve made, and the life I’m living.  I’ve learned to reject the stereotypes that come along with my sexual identity and I’ve learned not to let the doubt define me.  Just don’t take away my plaid flannel shirts until after graduation.

 

Originally published: http://www.bsmartguide.com/learn/how-to-find-love/1210-growing-up-gay-being-queer-and-feminine.html

One in four: the facts about sexual assault on college campuses

Mollie Cahillane Articles, Life , , , 0 Comment

I tend to think of myself as the typical female college student.  I’m 20, starting my junior year at Northwestern University, I’m in a sorority and I double major in European history and journalism.  Unfortunately, as the typical female college student, I have a one in four chance of experiencing rape or attempted rape.  The White House found that one in five college students (male and female) experience sexual assault throughout their time in college.  And most sexual assaults go unreported.  Imagine what these numbers would be like if they included the unreported assaults.

Sexual assault on college campuses has exploded in the media recently.  Whether it’s at a big state school like FSU, an elite private school like Notre Dame, or even a high school like St. Paul’s, these cases have attracted national attention.

Right now, 94 colleges are under federal investigation in the United States for how they handle sexual violence under Title IX.  Title IX is a federal law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex or gender under any federally funded education or activity program.

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At Northwestern, I’m the director of a student organization called Sexual Health and Assault Peer Educators.  It’s my mission to work to create a sex-positive environment and to end rape and rape culture on campus.

I’ve found myself incredibly frustrated with the cavalier attitudes I’m often faced with.  I’m discouraged because I feel that many students and members of our society don’t understand the gravity of these issues.  Sexual assault is not a new problem, but the way we approach it is new.  I’ve frequently heard that people are tired of hearing about rape.  Guess what?  So am I.

More people are not suddenly becoming rapists.  Instead, our society, and young women in particular, are becoming more educated about rape.  Women are realizing that you don’t have to physically fight back for an assault to occur.  Even if you change your mind halfway through and the other person doesn’t stop, it’s still rape.  Our realities and perceptions surrounding consent are changing.  We see this clearly in California’s ‘yes means yes’ bill, which demands that there be affirmative, voluntary, and vocal consent from all parties.

Our nation has a sexual assault problem.  We don’t like admitting it, and the majority of people like to exist in ignorance.  That doesn’t change that within four years at school, one in five people and one in three women will be victims of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault.  Sexual violence happens on college campuses, and to people of every gender, race and sexual identity and not just heterosexual women.  Sexual violence is more prevalent in the Greek communities, as women in sororities are 74% more likely to experience rape.

Northwestern University defines consent as knowing, active, voluntary, present and ongoing.  Anything other than this is sexual assault.  Consent is not present when an individual is incapacitated due to age or physical condition (sleep, lack of consciousness or incapacitation due to alcohol or drugs).  Theoretically, this eliminates the possibility of victim blaming and slut shaming, as it is never a survivor’s fault.  So why do we still hear things like ‘What were they wearing?’ and ‘She shouldn’t have drank so much.  What did she expect to happen?’

Wikipedia defines rape culture as ‘a concept within feminist theory in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.’  This is clearly oversimplified, but I’m tired.  I’m tired of hearing rape jokes on campuses and in ‘funny’ movies.

We need to keep educating.  We need to stop teaching girls how to ‘not get raped,’ and instead teach people not to rape.  We need to teach people about respect and consent, not criticize skirts for being too short or walking late at night.  I truly believe as a society we can beat this, and that’s why I keep fighting.

Most college campuses already have organizations combating sexual violence.  If not, start one! You can also volunteer at your local rape crisis center or donate money to organizations such as RAINN or Planned Parenthood.  Keep raising awareness, keep speaking out, and keep fighting.

 

Originally published:  http://www.bsmartguide.com/learn/how-to-find-love/1193-one-in-four-the-facts-about-sexual-assault-on-college-campuses.html

Reflecting on sexual assault at Northwestern

Mollie Cahillane Life 0 Comment

Sexual Assault Awareness Month wrapped up last week. It’s such a terrible term, “sexual assault.” People don’t like thinking about it, let alone talking about it. As the recently appointed Director of Sexual Health and Assault Peer Educators, I spend the majority of my time living and breathing sexual assault and rape culture.

Sexual assault is not unique to Northwestern. Right now, 94 colleges are under federal investigation in the United States for how they handle sexual violence under Title IX. Surprisingly, Northwestern is not one of them.

I find myself incredibly frustrated with the cavalier student body attitude that I’m often faced with. I’m discouraged because I feel that many students do not understand the gravity of these issues. Recently, I spoke at the PHA Grand Chapter, where I addressed approximately 500 sorority women about sexual violence on campus. While many women appeared to take our message to heart, I could still see people rolling their eyes, texting and blatantly ignoring what we were saying.

Our school has a sexual assault problem. We don’t like admitting it, and the majority of students like to exist in ignorance. That doesn’t change the fact that within four years at Northwestern, one in five people and one in three women will be victims of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault. These statistics come from a detailed campus survey taken in 2014. My message and SHAPE’s message is important. Sexual violence happens at Northwestern, and to people of every gender, race and sexual identity and not just heterosexual women. In a class of 20 people, statistically speaking at least four are survivors. Sexual violence is more prevalent in the Greek communities, and the school receives the greatest amount of reports in the first few weeks of each school year.

Northwestern University defines consent as knowing, active, voluntary, present and ongoing. Anything other than this is sexual assault. Consent is not present when an individual is incapacitated due to age or physical condition (sleep, lack of consciousness or incapacitation due to alcohol or drugs). Theoretically, this eliminates the possibility of victim blaming and slut shaming, as it is never a survivor’s fault. At Northwestern, I still hear things like “What were they wearing?” and “She shouldn’t have drank so much. What did she expect to happen?”

Wikipedia defines rape culture as “a concept within feminist theory in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.” This is clearly oversimplified, but I’m tired, Northwestern. I’m tired of hearing rape jokes on campus and reading them on Yik Yak. Even when it’s as casual as something like “I need to bring some lube because I’m about to get buttf***ed by this midterm” or “I totally raped that test,” rape culture is perpetuated. These “jokes” trivialize rape and the experiences people go through. On Yik Yak, these terms aren’t used in a sexual way, but rather a dominant way. Rape is an act of power. Rape jokes perpetuate the culture of power and dominance and continue to take control away from survivors.

Working against sexual violence is exhausting. I find myself emotionally drained far too often. I know that I’m not doing enough. I see this enormous problem and I can’t fix it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even make a difference. I keep fighting because I know that if I can counsel at least one person, stop one potential perpetrator from offending or show someone that they are not alone, I’m doing something to help.

There are members of our community who care. I spent the last five months helping plan Northwestern’s annual Take Back the Night week. Take Back the Night is an international non-profit organization that works to end sexual violence in all forms. At Northwestern, we had a series of events with the most well-known being the TBTN March and Survivor Speakout. Before the march, I was worried. I was worried we would be mocked or trivialized or that hardly anyone would come. My worries turned out to be unfounded. More than 80 students from a large variety of organizations came to march in solidarity with survivors of sexual violence.

Walking through campus chanting phrases such as “shatter the silence, stop the violence” and “yes means yes, no means no, whatever we wear, wherever we go,” I felt more hopeful than I had felt in a long time. Many students who watched us go by applauded, and I felt supported and empowered. I was with people who understood the work I am doing and why it is important. I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

We need more of this. We need to show survivors they are not alone and that we care for and support them. Northwestern, it’s time to stand up to sexual violence.

 

Originally published: http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/story/reflecting-on-nus-sexual-assault-problem/

Real female journalists: getting sources without getting some

Mollie Cahillane Articles, Life 0 Comment
Although Medill presents a different demographic, white men are predominantly represented in the media industry. Photo courtesy of The New York Times
Although Medill presents a different demographic, white men are predominantly represented in the media industry. Photo courtesy of The New York Times

If you’ve flipped on Netflix between those midterms, you might have seen the stereotype: female journalists are overly sexual. These tropes are inherently harmful and degrading to women and demean the valuable work that female journalists do.

During Wildcat Welcome my freshman year, we were told at Medill orientation that there are more women in the Medill School of Journalism, Media, Integrated Marketing Communications than men. So why are female journalists portrayed so poorly in media when they make up the bulk of the profession? In House of Cards, one female reporter brags about how she’ll “suck, screw and jerk anything that moves just to get a story.”

Clearly not ethical journalism right there. In the third episode of the first season of Parks and Recreation, reporter Shauna Malwae-Tweep sleeps with parks employee Mark Brendanawicz. Shauna acquires multiple quotes from Mark, which he assumed was off the record since they were in bed together. The question we have to ask here is whether Parks and Rec is twisting the trope or just adding on to it. Is Shauna taking advantage of a dumb government official, or did the writers have her use her sexuality to get what she wants instead of doing her job?

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, a shameless chick-flick yet a classic, is built entirely off the premise of a female journalist attempting to seduce a man to write a story for her magazine. It ended happily, but at what cost? In 2005’s Thank You for Smoking, a young journalist named Heather seduces the vice president of a major tobacco lobby who claims there is no link between lung cancer and tobacco usage. Heather writes a furious exposé blowing up the lobbyist’s lies, but then Heather’s unethical tactics are exposed, and she is punished by having to become the local weather girl.

It’s easy to see in journalism classes at Northwestern that there are usually at least twice as many women as men. In my Journalism 301 class right now, a required class for Medill undergraduates, we have 13 women and three men. While more women than men enroll in Medill, in the professional world women are incredibly underrepresented in journalism. According to a University of Nevada at Las Vegas study, sources from TheNew York Times front page stories are 65 percent men, 19 percent women and 17 percent unknown. NBC’s news showMeet the Press is 62 percent white men and 28 percent everyone else. Fox News Sunday is even worse at 67 percent white men and 33 percent everyone else.

People might say that I’m overreacting, that I’m reading into things, that I’m creating a problem where there isn’t one. Sometimes a movie is just a movie, sometimes a character is just a character, but I don’t think that’s the case. The problems arise when we don’t even realize that what we see in the media influences our thoughts, perceptions and attitudes. How many girls are growing up now thinking that in order to be a journalist, screwing their sources is common practice? How many boys are growing up thinking that all they have to do to have sex with a girl is give her information for a story? How many perceptions have been warped in the last 20 years by the changing portrayal of female journalists?

There is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to exercise her sexual freedom. If any woman wants to have sex, without a doubt she should be able to and she should own it. The problem is the way media portrays female journalists as needing to use their sexuality in order to do their job, something that is clearly not true in real life. So how can Medill students, and any other aspiring journalist, break this stereotype? We are an incredibly respected journalism school: Medill graduates go on to win Pulitzer Prizes, work for publications in every corner of the country, travel overseas and cover violent warfare.

How can we reconcile these amazing people who do incredible things and the way that the media portrays us? We can’t. All we can do is live and work in a way that defies these stereotypes and create real-life examples of kick-ass, powerful women. We can attack the problem at its source. Aim to write for these shows and movies, changing the way women are portrayed. I grew up watching Gilmore Girls, where young Rory Gilmore is head editor of her high school paper and then the Yale Daily News.

The series ends with Rory pursuing her dreams of becoming a journalist, boyfriend be dammed. Rory never so much as even winked at a source, and she was still able to be a successful reporter and a great role model. I wanted to be a journalist because of Rory Gilmore. Gilmore Girls ended in 2007 though, so it’s unlikely that aspiring middle school and high school journalists are still watching it. Hollywood, give us accurate, empowering portrayals of female journalists. Give us more Rory Gilmores.

 

Originally published: http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/story/the-real-female-journalists-getting-sources-withou/